|
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Last blogged @ 3:18 AM Hey!
I'm back again, (I know I know, I said ill constantly post, and I know my previous post I said that I would update more the next day.) But I didn't cause I've been having lots of jumble and weird emotions.... no I'm not giving excuses so that i don't have to update my daily shits that's happening... I will just not so soon, so I've been having lacked of sleep lately due to 2am thoughts that's keeping me awake and silently crying like a baby..
I'm like legit exhausted lately... mentally, emotionally and also physically drained, I just don't knoe what's gotten in to me. why am I mentally drained? Cause I kept having thoughts after thought that I actually end up being emotionally disturbed by my own thought... so I couldn't bring myself or even put myself to sleep cause ill always be either awake crying all night or awake writing lyrics and then the next thing I know I had to head off to work, and lately works been tiring me off physically as I'm working longer hrs just to get more imcome for me to save up and go somewhere far.... I would sometime work from morning 7 am all the way to 12 pm night just to earn an extra cash.... everything is just so expensive in singapore....well actually this is not what I want to blog about, so enough og all this draggy huha that people won't even care.. let's just cut to the point...
So lately two person I needed the most been so distance, and I don't know maybe it cause of me that they felt i'm annoying them? , or maybe their too busy.. hey I know the world doesn't revolves around me...
But yeah...so it's getting harder and harder for me to have a proper conversation with him lately, there are time when his online but didn't read my messenger message,and there's times that he read it but never reply at all... I get it his busy, yes his been so distance and I kind of actually felt ignored and pushed awat.. I really wished like for once just have a proper conversation with him, either by calling him on messenger or skype... I miss his voice, his face and his constantly making me smile... I miss that a lot... no I'm not putting blames on him, I'm just saying what I felt...... he says I didn't talked to him about it but when I wanna talk to him about things his either too busy or won't talk at all... I just don't want things to be like it was back then when our conversation became lesser and lesser and we ended up not talking for years.... I don't know what to do...sometimes I wish he would talk to me first and start a conversation, he did once then it stop... I can understand that his busy, but I hope he doesn't get tired of me...so ill just give him space... maybe when his not busy he'll talk to me. Cause i need to share things with him and talk to him bout something thats in my chest...
And then there's bestfriend when are we gonna meet up and have our dose of all day conversation bout life and what's going to happen in the future? I need you just as much as I need him too...though we do text one another but I miss your presence around... just too annoyed the anger out of me... please meet me soon......
I need to tell you bout my work and lots of things...and also I need to have our daiky dose of nonsense picture taken....
So anyway that would be all for now.. till then have a nice dah people
I can't take this... I wish you'll not give up on me, I wish I would be there sooner than I expect.... I wish I could show you what ever I've said i really mean it....
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Last blogged @ 4:27 AM Hey....
It's been like years since I'm back in blogging...
Ever since there's instagram, twitter and also tumblr
I kind of got lazy blogging bout my daily shits that happen in my life... But that's gonna change cause ill be back blogging all shits that's happening in my life... so enough of the huha... lets get started...
So lately things been really crappy and shitty...
I'm not gonna lie that I'm not even disappointed with my own bloody life cause I am and I have to bloody deal with it. There's no point of me running away from it right, cause even if I do things would only be building more and more till I get burry in it.
So here's a thing in life you're gonna have friend who would legit stab you from the back, but no matter how badly you've been hurt by them you still couldn't bring yourself forward to hate them cause you've been with them for a long time, but you kept asking yourself why you could hate other's for stabbing you but not them, my answer because I've treated them lioe my own family member and I couldn't really hate them.. cause what ever b.s I receive from them we're and will still be friends cause that's a real friendship... I made a vow to myself that I'll accept them at their worst cause even if they we're the one who stab me, deep down I know they actually still do care and they accepted me at my worst... cause they were the one who's always been there for me... and i appreciate them...
I wont lie that i dont miss them at all cause the truth is...
I miss them badly. Those days we used to spend our time together just fooling around and sharing our deepest emotions... i really misses that... i can't see my life with out them cause it would be really lonely... cause their my noise their my music and their the one who brought joy to me... and i'm thankfull that god let us meet one another... i wish things wouod go back to how it was...
Then there was a special someone, it's been 6 years ive known him and 6 year that my feeling for him has never change, but is it worth it for us? I mean i'm in singapore and his like i dont know how many km away from me. I've been trying so hard so keep a conversation with him but it just felt like he just want's to stop talkimg to me, his been so distance... again i remember there was a time that i actually posted a picture of him on instagram and said that he was my man crush... than i recieved a comment from a girl claiming that their engage and that news actually pierce through my heart... cause I didn't know he was engaged I didn't know that he already have a gf, all those time I was left in a lurch not knowing that I'm a foolish girl to actually be holding on but at the sametime the other party had already what they called settle down...I know I should be hating him for that, for not telling me the truth, for leaving me in a lurch, for those time I was stupid to think that maybe just maybe he might be too busy to even contact me when all a long his the only one that I can't possibly stop talking to and think about, that I missed him the most and also for those time thinking that we are still together. But the truth is I can't bring myself forward to hate him, neither can I stop myself for having feelings for him when he doesn't even have one for me... they said it takes two hands to clap and all those time I've been the only one that single handedly clapping.... so some might say I'm the dumbest person to still be holding on to him, but it doesn't even matter cause don't really care what they say, cause for once I'm actually really inlove with him.. though I feel like I'm annoying him or what ever. Cause his the only person who make me happy even just the thought of him oicould smile.. they said love could make you go sane for that one person and I think is true... but what's love?
(♥Take It Back To Where We Started♥)Is it no matter what he looks like or what happen in his past, you'll still accept him for what he is then and now? No matter how crazy he is or how there are times you felt so furiously mad at him, you'll still let that pass and forgive him. Being there supporting what he love to do and tell him that he could do better keep pushing himself to the limit. Or is it even if his going through a fucked up hard time in his life and there are times that he have his bad days, you still want to be there for him and making sure that his alright and that no matter what happens you'll always have his back? Well I'll tell you it's everything, from bad to good from worst to better... Cause no matter what happens accepting his past and presents, It made you want to be there by him through out his future so badly, no matter if his gonna lead a good life or poor you're still willing to accept him and wants him to know that you'll walk along side by side with him, building and supporting him through out...that's my p.o.v But again I don't wanna tie him down, even if I loved him deeply and he don't feel the same way towards me, I can't be forcing him to stay, cause the truth I want him to be happy, cause even if I'm not with him seeing him happy is what I've always wanted. Yeah truth hurts but its all cause I know he has finally got the life he always wanted that his blissfully leading it one day at a time it's woth it. I'm not gonna lie that there are times I told myself to give up on him and not bother bout him at all,yet again I couldn't cause if I have to give up on him it's like I'm totally giving up on seeing him happy... I wished he knew how important he is to me like my family is, that I've loved him as much that i could never bare to see him sad or unhappy.. though I've been trying to get everything together and be where he is now, I'm always facing set backs,but lets not make that the reason, I want to be with him, be near him seeing him smile right infront of my face feeling his warm hugs and just be by his side listening to his problem finding ways I could cheer him up. But I can't maybe just maybe if I put in more effort Then I did before, who knows?. I missed how we used to talk to each other, when I was looking back at our blog we used to share I read back our old messages I cried a little cause back then, that was when I actually felt like he actually did love me.Bok ok it's getting too long... ill continue to post more later on bout other things or maybe tmrw.. P.S:I still feel the same way as I did 6years back. To that I end it with a short lyric... "If you have a minute why don't we go, Talk about it smomewhere only we know. This could be the end of everything, So why don't we go Somewhere only we know." |
Be nice cause i'm always nice I'm simple and ordinary lady with feelings please bring any of your childish attitude that's acting up some where else and lastly welcome to my life Zata Dinie
 THERE'S GONNA BE MORE TO LOVE ILOVEPURPLE. OLDER EVERY ZEROSIX.JUNE.NINETEEN91 SING,LAUGH,LOVE,COMPOSE-SONGS & TEXTING Mummy And Daddy Little Princess! I LOVE MY ONLY BFFL My World Out Of This World Say Something.
Just Keep It To YourSELF. What is left is memories:
May 2011
June 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
December 2011
February 2012
May 2012
June 2012
September 2012
December 2012
June 2013
April 2014
May 2014
June 2015
December 2015
January 2016 This Is Not A Drive By
BFFLATIKAH♥♥♥♥
MYBAYBAY♥♥♥♥
MYTF♥♥♥♥
ADEKAFAN♥♥♥♥
ARZLI♥♥♥♥
SugarBaby♥♥♥♥
WANNIE♥♥♥♥ .
|